As much as it pains me to admit it, I have so many things that I am thinking about in the evening that it's so much more efficient to write digitally than it is to write the old fashioned way. It is also much easier to organise my thoughts properly. Also it seems to be a common characteristic of anything that I write that I must start with at least one paragraph that's completely tangential to what I actually want to write about. This will do for now.
What I want to write about is the schedule that I have agreed upon with myself for the "Freedom" website blocking software. I used it for a bit initially and thought it was amazing. I then went way too hard with it right off the bat, resulting in relapse and binges of Twitch streams to 4am (when I would have to leave for work at 8am).
The truth of the matter is that I am not going to be able to completely hermitize (?) and cut myself off from the world. At the same time I am acutely aware that spending time in the digital space at the detriment to almost everything else is one, if not the worst, characteristics that I have. So there has to be some compromise.
I have reached something that I think is fair and reasonable based on what is currently going on in my life. For the hours of 7pm-9pm on weekdays, I am free to use the internet as I wish. For the rest of the time, my Freedom blocklist is in action. It's in action right now. I can still do things such as writing, as I am doing so right now, but it does some very important things.
Firstly, it helps me to set the tone for the day. My energy is at it's highest quantity and quality in the mornings, so it is important to me that I am able to bring myself into the day properly, and transition that seamlessly into doing the stuff that matters. By giving myself the freedom from the temptation of distracting websites I can actually spend my mornings the way I want to. This is a big improvement on spending mornings on the autopilot that has been subversively programmed into me by other forces (looking at you Zucc).
Secondly, it's a cue that it's time to wind down for the evening. One of the worst effects that unrestricted exposure to the internet has on me is its ability to keep me awake far beyond when I feel the land of dreams calling me away. When the block list kicks in automatically at 9pm, it's a cue that breaks me out of the state I was previously in. Whether that be intensely chatting away on whatsapp, or monging out to a stream on Twitch, It breaks me out of those loops and signals, "It's time to start winding down now Charlie."
Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, is that I think it's a completely reasonable schedule that I negotiated fairly with myself One of the biggest pitfalls of my previous attempts to implement the Freedom software was just going for a blanket ban on everything right from the start. I would consider myself a "heavy user" of tech/the internet as it is currently how I spend 90+% of my time when i'm not at work or asleep. One can draw parallels here between forcing a heavy drug addict to quit cold turkey. It was puritanical in its intentions, but resulted in putting me in a "deprivation mindset." Feelings of longing, FOMO and cravings kicked in. It didn't last long before I snuck my way around the ban by uninstalling the software and letting myself loose on a bender of 21st century digital hedonism.
When I imposed the blanket ban on myself, it really was an imposition. I was coming from a place of "should." I was not being reasonable with myself. This time round, there was some conversation with myself:
*What is it that is upsetting me the most and making me needlessly miserable? "I believe that the amount of time that I spend online and the resultant loss of sleep is a major contributor to my feelings of sadness and frustration towards myself, and directly inhibits my ability to study, exercise and walk the path that I want to follow."
*Is this something that I can do something about? "Yes it is. I can choose to spend less time online and more time in the real world. No one is holding a gun to my head and forcing me to stay on the internet to 2am every morning.
*How much time online (as low quality leisure) could you cut down? Could you cut it all out from the start? "I don't think I could do that at this time. I would like to get there eventually. If I were to go cold turkey, it would be such a drastic upheaval to the way my days are spent that I would be overwhelmed and quickly return to the comfort and safety of my old habits."
*Could you manage only one hour of online leisure a day? "I think that would be too little. It would be substantially better than complete abstinence, but I still think it would be unsustainable given just how abruptly it would shift the general course of my day."
Could you manage on two hours of online leisure a day? "I think that might actually be in the realms of possibility. Two hours is plenty to scratch any major digital itches I might have so that I don't fall into the deprivation trap. It would be a challenge to shift to a day where only two of the hours are online leisure time, but I think that it's a challenge I am capable of rising to."
For the sake of argument, how about 3 hours a day? "There is absolutely zero doubt in my mind that I could succeed on 3 hours a day of online leisure, provided that this time is scheduled appropriately. In fact I will readjust my Freedom schedule to 3 hours a day of "free time" I want to guarantee success, and giving myself that extra hour will help me do just that. 6-9pm on weekdays."
Funny how that works out. Even as I write this my plan and implementation gets refined. There's another crucial advantage to the 6pm-9pm schedule: There's still an whole hour between when I get home from work and when "playtime" begins. This is an ideal time for a getting home from work routine.
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